I won’t go into the latest news, and the (at best) deeply unsettled feeling I have sending my child to school right now. One of the most important freedoms we have in this world is choosing what we let in, and I want to honor whatever boundaries you may have around when, where, and how much of the news you’re choosing to let in at any given time.
My focus in this post is on RESILIENCE and RESOURCING when faced with difficult–and at times traumatic–situations.
Peter Levine, an incredible trauma therapist and teacher, has said that trauma is experiencing fear in the face of helplessness.
Whether an event or series of events settles into the nervous system as a trauma depends on so many factors, some of which are completely out of our control.
Rather than focus on what’s out of our control, let’s take a look at ways we can build resilience that ARE within our control. What skills can we develop, what resources can we draw upon?
Here are my top 3 ways to cope with the hard stuff and increase resilience:
Focus on the relationships in your life.
Do you have healthy, nurturing relationships? Who are you most likely to turn to when you need help? Are you prioritizing spending time with those people? Are you a part of a community of people centered around common values? Many of us have a tendency to isolate when we’re struggling–and this is the worst thing we can do. It may feel strange to reach out for connection when you’re feeling avoidant of it…do it anyway.
Make sure you’re hitting the basics of wellness.
Water, good food, sleep, movement. Without these basic building blocks of resilience, you’re fighting even more of an uphill battle. And sometimes these basic actions are all we can do. In those times, it’s enough. So when you don’t know what else to do, take a drink of water, take a nap, or get outside and take a walk. You’ll be amazed at how these simple actions can shift your energy.
Practice self-compassion.
What can you give yourself in this moment that’s kind and loving? Try treating yourself the way you’d treat a dear friend. Take some deep breaths with your hand on your heart, and say loving words to yourself. Every time you show yourself compassion, you’re calming your nervous system and increasing your capacity for empathy and action.
There are so many other science-based ways to resource yourself and develop more resilience. Different things work for different people, and only YOU know what’s helpful and supportive for you.
I’m painfully aware that some of what I’m mentioning above is a luxury, and a luxury many humans across the globe don’t have. At times I really struggle with giving myself these gifts because so many others don’t get to receive them. Why should I get to check out, take care of myself, limit news coverage when so many others don’t have that privilege?
Years ago, I was expressing this internal conflict to a therapist, and she said something to me that I’ll never forget: Hurting yourself doesn’t ease the hurt of the world.
The world doesn’t benefit from a less resourced you. In fact, the world DOES benefit from other humans who are resourced enough to support their communities and alleviate–in whatever ways we can–the pain and suffering of others.
The more resilient you are, the more resourced…the more capacity you have to support others.
So take good care of yourselves and each other–this world needs a well-resourced you.
❤️,
Amy